The morning is foggy outside my window. I look at my clock and it reads 5 in the morning. Grunting, I try to go back to sleep, vaguely wondering what woke me up so early. I have a dreadful feeling that someone is watching me but the fatigue brought by last night overwhelms my senses and I fall asleep almost immediately.
I open my eyes, feeling a bit groggy. I had to study for the year-end examination last night and had to finish all the reports and requirements in every subject. Despite my tired feeling, the prospect of finally graduating from high school is enough to lighten up my mood.
Two weeks. Just two more weeks.
I wash up and get ready for school, hoping that this day will be better than the last, wherein I had to deal with the insults and sniggers from the school elites.
If it wasn't for the scholarship, I would never have dreamed of entering this school. Sometimes, I can't believe that I have endured everything for 6 years. At this thought, I kiss the pendant of my necklace, my lucky charm, the only possession I have to remind me that at some point in time, I had parents.
The school is just a few blocks away from where I live. I am able to scrape a living by taking three jobs in our neighborhood: gasoline girl at night, dishwasher on weekends, and a student aide for the rest of the days.
Grabbing the folders of requirements I have prepared the night before, I chug a glass of water and head out of the door. It is just another one of those no-breakfast-mornings.
At 7 o'clock, our neighborhood is starting to look busy. Men and women in their work clothes are rushing past, grooming their children for school, shouting instructions.
I feel an arm snake around my shoulders. I don't have to look to know whose it is.
"Hey Song Hye Kyo. You ready for the exams? Let me copy, will you?"
I smile a fake smile at the owner of the voice, "On one condition Hyun Bin."
"Lunch is on me for a week," he says. It has always been a deal. At least it will be a week of no worrying about lunch.
Hyun Bin has been the only friend I have. Perhaps it is because we live in the same neighborhood, or that we are both working at the gasoline station at night (although he doesn't really need to). Or maybe it is because I am the only one who laughs at his silly jokes. I really cannot tell.
All I can remember is he was the only kid who befriended me, despite his parents' disapproval. All the other kids were forewarned not to approach the "orphaned girl" as well and were either too repulsed to do otherwise or too frightened of me to even try. After all, I wasn't exactly that good of a sight to look at.
Even to this day. I mutter, as a passing black car shows me my reflection.
Hyun Bin's hand brushes my hair before tucking a stray lock underneath my ear.
"You're beautiful, you know. Stop pulling yourself down."
My heart skips a beat. Hyun Bin has always been able to read me like an open book. He knows when I need encouragement even before I realize it myself. I like it when he is showing his caring side but it makes me feel uncomfortable. And vulnerable. I take deep breath to steady myself.
As we enter the school, I notice that the atmosphere is different. It makes me feel excited and anxious at the same time. The students rush past, greeting each other good morning. I stand there, invisible to everyone else.
Tomorrow will be my 18th birthday. I don't even feel excited. My birthdays have generally been quite uneventful.
The hours pass by in a blur. The morning half of the examination has turned out nicely. Before I know it, I am already waiting in line in the cafeteria with Hyun Bin.
"Do you know that guy?" Hyun Bin asks.
"Who?" I ask, looking around.
"That guy in the corner," Hyun Bin says.
Not wanting to be caught staring, I turn around and bend over, pretending to do my shoelaces.
The guy is wearing a white shirt and a pair of decent-looking jeans. He looks clean, not one of the elites but not like me either. Somewhere in the middle, I think. He looks familiar, like someone I have seen before, but not someone I really know.
"Nope," I answer, not wanting to wonder about stupid things.
We look for a vacant table and settle ourselves there. I immediately help myself to some cup cakes. I feel the strange sensation again, like someone is staring at me. I suddenly feel cold. I look around me again, searching for an explanation. Everyone is busy with their own businesses.
Someone approaches our table. It's Kim Ji-Won, one of those pompom girls. Needless to say, one of those elites. She looks as bored as ever.
"Can I help you?" I ask.
She looks down at me, shoves a stack of paper in my hands, and says, "Give this to Mr. Kang of the Science department. It's my research project."
Student aide duties.
"Okay," I say, not wanting to start a fight. I'm in no position to, anyway. Kim Ji-Won walks away, her short skirt showing the back of her long legs. I snort in disgust. I hate to admit it but she has everything I could ever ask for. If I were her, I wouldn't be mean to the world. I would have no reason to.
I tilt my head a little and I notice that the guy Hyun Bin told me about is gone. Convinced that I am having exam jitters, I finish my food and ask Hyun Bin to go back to classroom with me.
While I always do things for someone to be happy, I forgot that it’s me who needs happiness badly…
There wasn't anything that appealing with a cup of tea with its boring brownish tint of hot liquid. Its smell used to have the ability to sooth and calm the nerves but it wasn’t that effective at the the moment. Ironic enough, her eyes were caught by its boring hue, which was vaguely similar to the color of the Mahogany table, and her nose was held captive by something else that lingered in the cool air conditioned room.
Ella Chen adjusted her blouse so that it hung comfortably around her petite frame. Her hands tightened their own hold of the cup of tea she decided to give to her friend. He had not asked for it but she knew better than to wait for him to do so. She knew well what he needed when. She did not know why she always had concern and care for him. She couldn’t just control herself. She wanted to show him just how much more he deserved and to help him overcome his previous heartbreak with the woman who didn’t even leave him with a valid reason or excuse for abandoning him. Apparently, she didn’t even give him a single breath of it at all.
Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she walked over and placed the tea gently at her friend’s office table. Once she straightened her back, she stared at her friend. She couldn’t help but sigh remorsefully at the forlorn expression he had on his handsome face. His gorgeous eyes were drooped in longing and his broad shoulders were slumped in depression.
Ella Chen gulped sympathetically. She wanted to comfort him but there was nothing she could do. She knew that her presence could only make matters worse for him.
“Mr. Wu …” she started with noticeable uncertainty, “… is there something you may want me to do for you?” Her eyes were reaching out to him; her brows knotted in genuine worry and concern. However, her friend was just too preoccupied to see it.
He looked at her uncertainly, as if he just woke up from a deep dream. “Oh uhm… may you please cancel all my meetings today?” he breathed in, “I just…” and out again, “I don’t think I’m in the proper state of mind to handle company matters,” he said while looking into her eyes, finally noticing her presence.
Ella Chen nodded gently. Reluctantly, she headed to her cubicle and did as she was told. After she finished her task, she sighed yet again. Her eyes trailed to the lost man through the glass window that separated her cubicle from his office. She could only look at him and let her emotions consume her whole being when no one was watching. She couldn’t risk him knowing about it. She couldn’t risk her heart because she knew that she couldn’t handle the rejection that may come with it.
She had stayed in the company for as long as he had. She had been his Secretary since his father had announced him as the new CEO of the company. Apparently, she already had her eyes on him since the first time she saw him. She had spent quite a number of times imagining how amazing it would be to be held in his arms and shielded from the claws of the harsh world. She imagined kissing him and how it would be beyond comparison to the joy that winning a lottery may bring. She imagined holding his hand and breathing in his scent and how it would give her a glimpse of heaven.
But it was as far as her imaginations could get. She knew that she wasn’t what her friend could consider as a potential life-mate. And she knew that she was the only one who had constantly labeled him as a friend, though he never considered her more than an acquaintance; a subordinate.
Her heart ached for him. She thought stepping aside and watching him fall for another woman was terribly painful. She thought seeing him fall for her friend was the beginning of an apocalypse to her small world – a world where she made him her King. She thought agreeing to bridge the gap between her friend and her boss was like being tortured and stabbed continuously by a blunt blade. She thought she couldn’t live watching them so happy and sweet together. She thought eating dinner alone in a local diner with nothing in mind but the image of her friend and her boss in a romantic dinner for two was like being a prisoner in her own body.
But no – they were nothing compared to the pain she was feeling now. It was as if there were thorns punctured all over her heart. And at every turn, the thorns dug deeper into her heart but not giving it permission to bleed. At least during those past agonizing moments of her life, he was happy. Even if he was with another woman, with her friend, he was happy. She’d rather see him happy with someone else than see him being rapidly reduced to skin and bones because of pain and depression.
And what was killing her most of all was that she couldn’t do anything for him to make him feel any better. She couldn’t…
She wanted to reach out and comfort him. She wanted to offer him her shoulder and show him how much she cared – how much she had always cared about him. She wanted to make him feel special. She wanted to tell him how amazing of a man he was; that the girl he loved would be the luckiest woman of all.
That was what one part of her wanted.
But the other Ella Chen wanted to tell him that she was here. She wanted to make him understand that she loved him and that she would do just about anything to make him love her too. She wanted to show him just how much she loved him and that she would never hurt him; that she would cherish him just the way he deserved to be; that she would always be loyal and faithful to him; that he would be the only man in her life. She wanted to tell him that she had always been here all along and she had been waiting for him in the dark all along. She wanted to tell him that she had been silently wishing that he could love her too.
Blinking away the tears that were starting to gather in her eyes, she went back to her boss’ office.
“I already cancelled all your appointments, Mr. Wu,” she said gently, “is there anything else?” She bit her lip anxiously and chastised herself for doing so. She couldn’t add up to the problems her boss had been having.
“It’s okay. You may leave now,” he said in a barely audible voice. Seeing him so helpless was tearing her apart. But for the time being, Ella Chen knew that the best way to help her boss was not bothering him by her presence. With a heavy heart, she bowed her head and got ready to head out.
“Ms. Chen,” he called out just as she was about to open the glass door.
Reluctantly, she looked at him, “Yes, Sir?” She went back inside his office and waited for him to speak.
“I…” he started vaguely. “I just wanted to ask if you’ve… seen Heb – her,” he uttered, pain was evident in his hoarse voice. He looked at her; his eyes full of helpless hope. It broke her heart for she knew that her answer might break his as well.
Sighing, she said, “I’m sorry Sir. I haven’t seen her. We lost our communication too after the two of you… well,” she bowed her head to hide her remorseful gaze. She really was useless when it came to him.
“Oh… I see,” his despondent face made her feel even worse. She couldn’t even begin to name the horrible web of feelings that were eating at her consciousness.
“I’m really sorry Mr. Wu. It’s my fault,” Ella Chen bit her lower lip, not chastising herself this time for she already ran out of options on how to stop her tears from completely spilling from her eyes.
Smiling weakly, her boss muttered, “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. Our relationship is… was not your concern. In fact I thank you.” The sincerity that laced his deep voice caused the longing in her heart to burn a bright shade of red. “Thank you Ms. Chen. The past two years had been the most wonderful moments of my life. Though I didn’t expect things to end this way—” he choked on a sob because of overflowing emotions. Nonetheless, he went on, “Thank you for introducing me to her. I don’t hold any regrets.”
Ella’s heart pounded on her body and she could feel the thorns digging deeper into her heart. How could he say that? Why was it that he always said things that could make her love him more?
Why?
Why did he prefer being hurt and abandoned by Hebe than to be with her? She knew she was not gorgeous enough, not sophisticated enough, not confident enough but… he really did rather be hurt by Hebe? Was it because being hurt by Hebe was better than being with someone like her?
“I... I don’t know what to say Mr. Wu. I’d better head back to my cubicle…” Ella said, not having the strength to hold on to hope any longer. She bowed politely and turned to go; her knees were literally weak.
She closed the door behind her quietly and placed a hand in her chest, over her heart. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She had waited for him for eight years. She had done just about everything for him. She had imagined all sorts of things with him. She even got as far as stepping back and watching him and her friend fall for each other. She even helped them. And until now, she was still the one whose faith and love for him hadn’t faltered one bit. Despite everything that had happened, she was still willing to wait for him.
And despite everything that happened, his treatment on her hadn’t changed.
He was her boss and she could only ever be his subordinate.
An acquaintance.
Nothing more but could be less than that.
She closed her eyes as she wished for the pain to stop radiating throughout her body. Her hands fisted in a helpless attempt to control her emotions from getting the best of her. The ringing of the company telephone caught her attention and she had to take several deep breaths to conceal the tightness in her throat.
“Good morning. Mr. Wu’s office; how may I help you?” she recited the same script, feigning enthusiasm in her voice as she did so.
She listened and couldn’t help but linger her gaze to the handsome man in black office suit a few meters from her. She watched as he reached out a hand to trace lovingly the feature of the person on the picture frame he was holding. Her eyes misted. She knew who it was.
The call ended before she knew it. Silently, she wished she didn’t miss an important detail. She muttered some gratitude and waited for the person on the other line to end the call before settling the phone herself on its cradle.
She waited for the fax machine to finish printing.
Thursday. Three days from now. A two-day meeting at Kaohsiung with the Chairman of the board of directors, Mr. Harold Wu. Two days that may help him forget about Hebe. And she promised that she will do everything to help him forget about her.
It's a pleasant Monday morning. No rain clouds seem to threaten the clear blue sky. I made sure that I won't be late for school today. It's not that bad to deviate from my usual routine of tardiness, after all. I grabbed my backpack and hurried my way to the kitchen. After eating several spoonfuls of eggs and bacon, I reached up to kiss my mother goodbye. Careful not to step over my cute cat by the name of Mewy (cute name, eh?) I nearly slip on several flight of stairs leading to the door. I heard my mom's faint voice warning me to be careful.
I've always been a walking disaster and I'm well aware of that. Of course you'd also be if you're in my place, having to live with an idiot of a guy for ten years who irritates you like an alarm clock every single minute. I wonder why I have to meet him? Why did I ever introduce him to that house-for-sale that's two blocks away from our house? I still consider it as the most stupid decision I ever made in ten years.
Stealing a quick glance at the direction of the apartment, I rushed my way out of our gate after making sure that there's no sign of the moron. Being greeted by his ugly face early in a beautiful morning is the least thing I ever wanted to happen right now. Slinging my leg so that I am straddling my bicycle, I pedaled my way off to school.
It's seven o'clock when I reached the school and I was greeted by the the sight of a red porsche parked several meters away from the bicycle parking area. For the umpteenth time, I wondered why gorgeous things go extremely ugly when he's around.
I crouched down as low as I could, eager to make sure that he wouldn't see me. I have a weird inkling that I'm his favorite toy. He likes it when I'm upset so being the sadist that he is, he makes sure that not a day would go by without him terrorizing me.
I sneaked a peak at the direction of the red car while crouching behind a bush. I know that I look quite stupid with my position but I don't care. Getting away from him is my priority. Trailing my eyes to the dark windows, I realized that I cannot make out if there's someone inside. Facing the opposite way slowly, I made a beeline towards the lobby. Desperate to get away, I barely registered the pain that came colliding into a brick wall.
"Ouch! How come there's a brick wall in here?! I think I'm getting a bruise," I muttered under my breath while rubbing my bottom at the same time.
"What are you doing there, burger?" a voice asked.
I stopped dead in my tracks. Wide-eyed, I forced myself to look at the source of the horrible voice. I found myself staring at a guy's face with ugly pointed nose, ugly thin lips, and ugly inquisitive eyes. Yeah, everything about this guy is ugly.
Rolling my eyes for the sheer unluckiness of it all, I muttered under my breath, "What do you think? Looking for you?"
Unable to contain the embarrassment of being caught red handed, I forced myself to stand, swaying clumsily as I went, "It's none of your business. And don't call me burger!"
I saw a smirk draw its way across his face. With an irritating air of arrogance, he said, "Come on, I know you like being called that way. Lots of people would give anything to be on your shoes and be called burger by the most handsome man on the campus." Slinging an arm around me, he ruffled my hair so badly that I doubt I'd be able to comb it straight again. "Come on burger. I know you like me. Lots of people do. I caught you spying on my car, eh? You were waiting for me to turn up all along, stalker burger," he laughed at me while holding me steady, drawing attention from other students.
"Why on earth do I have to suffer the misfortune of --"
"Misfortune of loving me?" he cut off. I'm utterly trembling with anger at the moment. I want to punch him so hard my knuckles turned white at the strong urge to destroy his ugly face.
"You're such a narcissistic asshole! I hate you!" I shouted at the top of my voice, oblivious of the angry looks of the onlookers and admirers of this self-proclaimed campus king.
"No bad language please! Miss Park Minyoung, detention at six o'clock! My office!" A sharp voice echoed from behind us. I tried my best to break free from the clutches of the evil man and, with much difficulty, I forced myself to look at the stern face of our Dean. A strict-looking woman who acts like she's never experienced love from any man her whole life. She fancies every good-looking guy in the campus and she favors whatever they do. I don't have the faintest idea what made her include this stupid guy beside me on her long list.
"But Professor Kang, I'm not the one who started it. This bloke beside me --"
"Enough of the reasoning Miss. I do not tolerate bad manners in my school, let alone someone who acts like a scarlet woman. Proceed to your classroom and meet me in my office at six today," she said pointedly, with a hint of something that resembles jealousy in her tone.
"Correct me if I'm mistaken, Mr. Lee Minho, is it?" batting her eyelashes, she continued as she turned to look at the monster beside me, with a simpering look on her face. "I am pleased that you possess such gentle manners. You may now proceed to your classroom. I will ensure that the inexcusable attitude of Ms. Park will be attended to accordingly," she droned, wearing a sickening smile of a desperate old hag.
Great. Just great. You get what I'm talking about? I might be a walking disaster but Lee Minho is a walking monster! He always gets me into trouble! Another detention in Professor Kang's office. I wonder what she'll get me to clean later. I already cleaned her office windows last month and her toilet last week - all thanks to this evil of a guy beside me.
I'd definitely do anything to stop him from pestering me around. It's Monday and I'm already facing a detention with the old hag. Grudgingly, I wondered what other trouble he'd get me into.
.png)
